Competitive Exams in India!!

Wow!! Its amazing. Having trouble with your super egoed son/spouse? Or think you are the best and that you can do anything? Well try and write a competitive exam. Like CAT for starters. Or maybe JMET or the ultra bitch XAT. Positive results gaurenteed in no time. All the ego, the confidence and the fat will die down.

Im sure you figured it by now. Yeah i gave all those exams. And what a disaster it was!! All your confidence, your pride and ego is just blown out of the water and you are left wondering when the world became such a malicious place! I was left wondering if i was worthless and if i had any ounce of intelligence in me. That my brain was totally screwed dreaming of 95+ percentiles and great colleges with hot chicks. :P

Ofcourse the silver lining? Well humility! Now im more complacent. more calm than bashing. totally humble!!These exams are not only a test of intelligence but of character!!

All hail competitive exams!!

I feel like running

I feel like running. As fast as my legs can carry me. And faster.
This losing fight, can i outrun my own shadow?
makes me doubt myself, makes me wonder if it is all right
but my heart knows no other way, and so it goes on.
Till my heart explode. I feel like running.

Been sometime since my last post but been deadly busy. Trying to bell the cat and run the rat race at the same time can be exhausting. This is something i wrote in 5 mins so pardon if it is bad. :)

flow through me winds of time

take me with the currents

through the crest and through the bottom

through pain and joy

through love and hate

and finally to my final resting place

where my heart can be at peace

An ode to the rat race

Round and round, round the merry go round
Up and down and down and up
Catching snowflakes that melt on the palm
A soul wanders, the fire that is never to be betrayed
round and round the merry go round

Globalization

I remember how i felt the first time i read the phrase "global village". I felt a rush. Of adrenaline, joy and a sense of promise. Of thigs unknown. New places to be explored, new people to meet, new expereinces and new food to taste. And i read it again and again in my engineering. The BPO & IT revolution was taking India by the storm. India would be reformed they said. Everyone would have adequate money. A good quality life, money to buy a car and a big house. Suddenly people were flying off to US, UK and Australia for studies. Girls would settle for nothing less than a guy who is working in the US making US dollars. The future was promising. The world was becoming a small place. Suddenly we have ISD plans on our mobiles so that one can talk to married daughters, excited would-bes and working sons. I was happy and excited. Well they apparently forgot to tell me about my brother.

The world has become a small place. My sis is in the US. My bro is in Ireland. My mom visited US last year. They are planning a trip, probably next year. Even AP has become a small place. I visit my parents once in a month. We are better off than we used to be financially. In more ways than imagined, the dream was fulfilled.

But what a delusion it was. The world was never to become a small place. "A global village". I mean which dumb fucker whould think that the geographical distances would be somehow lessened or hearing your beloved one's voice over the phone who is overseas would somehow bridge the gap and make us happy. If anything, it makes everything worse. It magnifies what is not there. My bro is in ireland and my sis is in the US. Did the world become a small place?? No it is suddenly very very big. The distances too great to cross. The internet phone calls and the gtalk chats a bare shadow of what we had.

There are reasons why you have a brother. There are reasons why he is called a brother why other guy friends are called just friends. You can share only so much with your friends. And the farthest they would go would be to advise you. But who will slap you when you go wrong? Who will guide you with patience and love and determination when you veer off the path. Who will not look at you in disgust when you are so wrong that you want to peel the very skin off your body so that you could be new again. In such ways i miss my brother. I wish he was here to slap me.

Back to globalization and you see that this is just one story of the many multitudes. There are many people whose siblings who have moved to US and try to find the same intimacy and trust in friends. Sadly, while the global village has indeed become a reality and we are better off than we were before, somewhere something got flipped.

The whole point of globalization or industrialization or capitalism or democracy or anything good that comes out of a human mind I believe is to make human life better. To make it easier and more importantly happier. For us and for our children. But we flipped the positions. The goal was better life. The means was more centralized world. Globalization, money, cars and what not were supposed to make life better. Instead we traded a better life for all of it. We may have all the luxury now but we dont have a better life. The bonds with people we have are getting thinner by the day. While globalization has certainly made the world a small place, it has stretched the realtions between people and distanced them. It has distanced me and my brother.

Where is John Galt?

A friend of mine made a very very true statement which has a lot of meaning to it. Unfortunately she didn't realize it. I post it here and hope that she will some day.

"What a great example would he make, who in all sense can think he is enough for himself and find the truth in himself."

I modified it a bit, added a bit actually but i think this is very true. What a great example would he be!! We would then have something real to look up to rather than false prophets or silly god notions.

I'll never forget you...

Monsoon has come, the rain is falling,
can you hear it?the creator is calling.

Beginnings of a new life on the road,
the critters creek and the rain drops patter.

The wind sings of you, the leaves whisper the right words,
I walk on by, the creator is calling.

my heart is heavy, the tears and the rain unite
my life will never be the same without you
but the creator is calling...

Why i blog...

Why do i want to blog? It has been my point of view that those who blog are so lonely that they talk to machines (maybe a wrong point of view...just maybe)! But i dont need to talk to dumb machines ( i just whacked my pc on the head!!). If i felt down i call my mom, dad, sis, bro, few closely knit friends who dont judge but lend a ear and a shoulder. But then why do i blog?

It was in my eight grade that i wrote my first poem. It was about my dog. I cant remember the peom but i clearly remember being very satisfied and proud. Writing fills me up with joy. But i didnt realize it then and neither did my parents. That i was to be a writer. I studied hard but i didnt know why. I never asked that question. It was meant to be that way. You studied hard, scored good marks in exams, said you wanted to become an IAS when anyone asked you what you wanted to become and never spoke back. Now that is a good boy!! And so somewhere along way (like it always happens) i killed the writer in me. It was for no reason, no reasoning logic or choice. It just happened over a long period of time and a part of me left me and died. I have a good life now, a goodpaying job, great friends and a good home to go back to. Sometimes i dont think of writing for as long as an year. But then there are moments in my life, when the shit hits the fan or when im moved very emotionally. And then my hand craves for a pen.

I think this blog is dedicated to that writer. To that guy who sat on a window and wrote about his dog. To that sensitive child who would feel with all his heart without any bars....and then write about it. I write in the hope that one day, he will come back and be me.

The love that was never meant to be...

And so we parted,
down life's infinite road

It ended even before it started,
A day so preciously i hold

Time heals wounds but there are memories,
of laughter, of secrets and of tears

Does a dream have boundaries?
Till it melts at dawn's rays.

Hi!!

Hey my first post!! Gosh i dont even know if someone reading this. I feel so foolish. I must push this upon my unsuspecting friends and siblings and force them to read this!! Yep that will do. It is already making me feel better!! :)